The story begins
It all began when I met the one who later became my boyfriend. What struck me initially was his intelligence and vast culture, far above most of the people I knew. This aspect probably convinced me that I had finally found someone different from the rest and capable of understanding me. He appeared romantic and always available, with all the classic characteristics assumed to definitively win a person over.
Knowing that I regularly went to church and that religion was an important aspect for me, he assured me that he would respect my ideas to the utmost and that he himself believed in God, even though he was not a practicing believer. In general, he seemed to adapt to my needs and appreciate any proposal of mine. Falling in love was inevitable. I couldn't think of wanting anything different from what I was experiencing, and at the exact moment I realized I had very deep feelings, seemingly reciprocated, I stopped questioning whether he was the right person for me or not, and I never doubted his sincerity.
I am subjugated
After some time, the situation changed gradually, although initially imperceptibly. We spent a lot of time together, but increasingly it was he who decided what to do or where to go, taking it for granted that I would accept and not worrying about what I thought. More importantly, I began to notice small things about his character that he tried to hide from me. On two different occasions, I seriously suspected that behind his seemingly completely innocent actions, a selfish motive was hidden, and that he was willing to do anything to achieve it.
Furthermore, I noticed several inconsistencies between the things he had told me when we first met compared to what he later claimed. Whenever faith was discussed, he changed the subject, without giving me the chance to discuss it, until he was forced to admit that he was completely atheist and only believed in science. Along with this came many other episodes of incongruences and words changed according to the situation and needs. Although he continued to claim that he respected my religious ideas, he began to openly discredit any practice of faith, with the result that I felt increasingly uncomfortable expressing this aspect of my life, effectively excluding it from all my spiritual reflection. My relationship with God suffered significantly. I continued to pray, but in a detached and hasty manner.
At that moment my love for him was very strong and drove me to ignore, to pretend not to see those aspects of his character. I found unlikely justifications for his behavior, or more simply tried not to think about it at all.
Quite some time passed in this way during which I silenced any doubt. If I noticed something that wasn't right or that could suggest a lack of sincerity, I silenced the problem by thinking of all his virtues and the wonderful feeling of having someone always close by. Without realizing it, I found myself subjugated to him, with the constant worry of making him happy and without asking myself if I was happy or if he was equally concerned about me.
Prayer sets me free
During the solemnity of Holy Easter, the desire to draw close to God again resurfaced in me because I felt that, from a spiritual point of view, I was not living my faith as serenely as before, and I promised myself to pray more. My first thought was the booklet of the Invisible Monastery of Charity and Brotherhood, which I began to recite again even several times a week. Initially, it was not an easy task. I always found other things to do and concentrating on prayer was still difficult for me.
But little by little, however, I found myself asking those questions that I had previously skillfully silenced, because incredibly the true character of my boyfriend appeared in my mind: selfish and slowly manipulating me. Yet I didn't have the strength to even consider the idea of leaving him. I was used to seeing him always, talking to him at any moment, and involving him in my activities. Breaking up would have meant having to redesign the entire future from scratch, giving up a person I loved and considered part of my existence.
I couldn't find a solution in any way, I was getting more and more nervous and restless. While I was with him I kept telling myself that I was too well to leave him, but as soon as I returned home I was again plagued by these questions. I decided not to silence my troubled soul and to try to solve the problem with the only weapon at my disposal: prayer, which freed my mind and allowed me to understand undeniably that the person I loved not only did not reciprocate my love, but sought in every way to subjugate me.
It was a very painful realization. Having to spontaneously give up what I loved and had made the center of my life seemed like a frightening and unfeasible outcome. Once again, help came only from prayer and Corrado's guidance, thanks to which I found an inner strength that was certainly not human.
The Spirit illuminates me
Breaking up was nothing but the beginning of a long series of painful arguments. Faced with my sudden rejection, he, wounded in his pride, tried in every way to win me back, appealing first of all to my sense of guilt.
It took a tremendous effort of willpower not to give in to his promises. He said, in fact, that he would change for me, that he would do anything and that he would even be willing to accompany me to Church on Sundays. I would certainly have believed his words, had it not been for the intervention of the Holy Spirit who suggested I wait a little longer. My wait brought further confirmation. Seeing that I still had no intention of listening to him, his behavior changed until it became irascible and definitively revealed his deep selfishness, betraying himself irremediably when he admitted he was not really in love.
Any doubt I had was then clarified and, despite the numerous difficulties, I definitively decided to end the relationship and never contact him again. The days following this decision were not easy. I was often plagued by memories and a sense of guilt. I felt very lonely despite the closeness of family and friends, and the words of comfort told to me often fell on deaf ears.
I feel free
I found consolation only in prayer, which gradually became increasingly intense and meditated. As the days passed, the pain became more diluted, I was recovering a serenity that I hadn't felt in a long time. In particular, I realized I felt a great sense of peace, as if I had finally unloaded an oppressive weight from my shoulders. I rediscovered myself free and full of prospects, with optimism and enthusiasm for the future.
Thanks to prayer, I was also able to overcome the moments of greatest discouragement. I felt the presence of Jesus as never before that moment, and everyone I knew noticed the change in my mood. The regained serenity was manifesting itself clearly externally as well, and I myself was surprised at how well I was doing in such a short time.
What strikes me most, every time I think about this experience, is the enormous strength that prayer gave me. Without it, I would never have understood the mistake I was about to make, the manipulation I was about to undergo, nor would I have had the ability to put an end to the story I was living, as emotionally involved as I was and blinded by feelings.
For all this I must immensely thank Corrado and the Invisible Monastery of Charity and Brotherhood, who opened the way for me to the love of God, so immensely great as to overcome anything.