Story of a soul: from darkness to light
Master, I am here writing to You while looking at You in a painting where You are depicted at the Last Supper with Your twelve apostles. Below the painting, on the sofa, I see again in my mind my mother sitting with a suffering face because of her illness. Now, I feel the emotions in my heart, in my soul, and I relive them in peace because I know she is safe with You. You, Lord, love her, You have always loved her, You protect her, and she is now beside You who are eternity.
I thank You because she was a wonderful mother, I have faith in You and I know You are close to me. As You know, my light, You knew how to guide Corrado to me. I was far from myself, far from You. I admit that I did not understand his words about You, and I would say: "Yes", internalizing and meditating on them. Only later was I able to understand. I know that through him You saved me: I was drowning in the darkness, You took me by the hair, before my last breath. He prayed for me and I saw You in a white tunic, waiting for me to say: "Save me!". You came close and I felt Your right hand on my head: "Arise, Jerusalem! Strip yourself of your sorrow". I wept for joy.
My Jesus, I was angry with You and with the whole world, my days were mere survival, my nights were often nightmares. Now I feel You, I feel Peace, I feel Love. My prayer is a praise to You and Mary. Receiving You in Mass in communion with You is joy for the soul. When I enter Your church, I feel protected, in dialogue with You.
On Wednesday, when I found out I had to be operated on, I said: "Lord, I offer You my ailments and may Your will always be done, not mine". Master, I do not feel sad because I see them as signs; I did not realize I was on the path of self-destruction. All the evil that dominated my spirit, drop by drop, was undermining my flesh and I did not realize it!
"Corrado, thank you! I opened my eyes and realized how sick I was!" I can only say to You, Master, and to Corrado: "Through my fault, through my fault, through my most grievous fault". I could no longer pray and now I have no voice left because my throat is sick. I longed for a family, therefore a man so as not to feel alone, and my womb is sick.
In my last phone call with Corrado, he asked me a question about trust, saying: "Tell me the name of a friend you trust blindly?". I answered: "I am skeptical about friendships". After that answer, I asked myself many questions: "How can I trust, if I trust no one? Do I always have reservations? How can I love if I do not love myself?".
My Jesus, You revealed Yourself and overcame my deafness. To have faith in You means to immediately have the answer: "Yes" in the grace we ask of You. I believe, Lord, that for me everything will turn out for the best because You are with me. I want to live my life with You and be able to show others that happiness is only in Your Love. Supreme Love is hope! Love works miracles!
Yesterday, Master, I was in the mountains and attended Sunday Mass. In the church there was a beautiful painting depicting the Madonna of the three hills enveloping, with a white mantle, all the mountains below. In that instant I too felt enveloped by that mantle. My heart was beating and I remembered Corrado and all the brothers of the Monastery, all the people who love me and those who, at that moment, were suffering my same suffering; then I kept saying: "Thank you, thank you, thank you..." this is my life again!
In these days the Lord has given me the opportunity to meet some young people who have lost both parents and a sister, my best childhood friend. I saw in their eyes the same anger I had. I know it is not Your fault, You have defeated death, You Yourself said: "Father, if it is possible, take this cup away from me". Gently I tried to console them, but before speaking, I asked You for help. Thanks to You I was listened to, because they know I know what it means to lose a loved one.
Jesus! How could I have testified that You are "Hope" without You making me credible? I remember Corrado's words: "Giulia, everything has a meaning...". Lord, he has often spoken to me about talents. I have always replied that I do not possess "talents", but he told me it is impossible, everyone has them!! With You I knew how to console and have words of light; at that moment their tears ceased. Master, is this a talent? Soon the time will come for my dialogue with Corrado, my Professor of Hope. Thank you because this brother works wonders with You. Praise to You for Corrado, because one day he will be in Your heaven: He brought me back to You, grant him all the graces he needs to help still so many, many Souls.
Lord, this new call of mine to suffering wants to be a sign of purification; this suffering wants to be offered to You because You know what it means to suffer.
I have faith in You and the same faith unites me to Corrado and the Brothers of the Invisible Monastery of Charity and Brotherhood, and this song is born from my heart:
"I thank You, oh my Lord, I am no longer afraid,
because with my hand, in the hand of my friends,
I feel no weariness and I look straight ahead of me
because on my path there is: You.
I have left behind me every fear, every doubt
because a great joy I feel in my heart,
when I think of how good You are, oh my Lord.
You made the heavens above me, You made the sun, the sea, and the flowers.
But the most beautiful gift my Lord has given me
has been LIFE and His Love".
A dear greeting to you, Corrado, because you explained to me that we are all part of "Creation". The Lord takes care of everyone... A Rose, even amidst the garbage, is still a Rose. Thank you, I love you, rather I love you all! A hug with immense affection.
. Giulia